I Wanted To Die

I’ve been wanting to share my story for a while now. So here it is. My aim is to help motivate men out there who are suffering or who think they are suffering with symptoms of depression to get help…

I try to answer What is depression? Or to me at least and what helps me cope with depression.

Depression is complicated and affects people in different ways. In this video, I’d like to talk about my experience, as a man, in hope it can help someone who is suffering as I did.

As it turns out, I unknowingly suffered from depression for 5-years.

Heart palpitations woke me up each day. I felt empty inside. With no energy, no drive, and no ability to care or have any love for myself. I thought the anxiety and the feeling of someone sitting on my chest were normal.

I felt nothing. I quite literally felt empty. I felt like there was no point in being here anymore.

I asked myself. Is my life worth this pain? Do I want to wake up again tomorrow to go through all this again and again and again?

I’d never thought about suicide until around 12 months ago. It was the darkest place I’d ever been. I was sick of the pain. I wanted it to end.

As the tears pourned down my face, I squeezed my dog for comfort. Something in that moment convinced me to get help.

Within 12 hours, I was speaking to a doctor who diognosed me with depression. She did a great job providing all options moving forward.

I chose to medicate and, from that moment. My life changed.

Within days my medication was ready. I started immediately.

After 2-weeks on the medication I felt… normal. My anxiety was gone, no more heart palpitations and I could take the deepest of breaths.

For the first time in 5 years I felt like myself again.

The journey leading up to this point was a long one.

I stopped going to the gym. Dog walks became shorter. My work suffered. I even had a fear of going to the supermarket. Having to pretend everything is okay was always a hollowing feeling.

When in this state of darkness, it doesnt feel like theres a way out. It doesn’t feel like anything can help so you kind of just, give up.

I was one of the lucky ones who didnt give up. In 2021 there were 4,129 deaths by suicide in men. This is the equivalent to 16 deaths per 100,000.

Suicide is the biggest cause of death in men under the age of 50.

If you’re a man watching this and can relate to anything in this video. I urge you be courageous and talk to someone.

Just know that you are loved and this world needs you.

If you think you need help or to speak to someone. Please do. I will also leave my contact email address here if you have any questions related to depression that you would like to ask me privately.

[email protected]

#suicideprevention #suicideinmen #2023


Top 10 Cigars

Cigars are cylindrical rolls of cured tobacco. They consist of a binder leaf wrapped around a filler leaf. The wrapper, the most expensive component of the cigar, must be strong, elastic and silky in appearance, as well as flavorful.

The binder leaf, which holds the filler, is typically a single tobacco leaf, though it can be made of many different varieties. The variety of tobacco leaves used and the country of origin can affect how a cigar will taste.

Some cigars are made from multiple types of tobacco from several different countries, while other cigar makers use only one type of tobacco from the same country. Regardless of the mix, the cigar maker strives to create an unmistakably distinctive strength, aroma and flavor profile for their brand.

In addition to the variety of the cigar’s filler, the country of origin is an important determinant of how the cigar will taste. Different growing environments can produce distinctly different flavors, with some regions delivering earthy and woody flavors while others are more acidic and peppery.

While there is no universal consensus on what makes a good cigar, there are a few consistently high-quality cigars that will keep you satisfied whether you’re smoking at home, at a party or a business meeting. If you’re looking for a tried-and-true selection to impress your friends and impress yourself, check out our top 10 list of the best cigars on the market.

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